I am about to do something that only a few months ago I was not going to do. I am so sad but yet grateful that I feel better about it now. I know there is a person who says no. I know that there are freedoms that will be cut. But I figured that the good will outweigh the bad somehow.
First things first: MINIMIZE MY LIFE
I MUST give away my stuff. I don’t need books that I will never read. I don’t need clothes that don’t fit me anymore nor have ever fit me. I don’t need a backup that I will never use. I don’t need expensive perfume that I will never use. I don’t need things that are old and gross. I don’t need sentimental items that I have never even wanted. I just need to minimize my life. I need a bookshelf of only my most favorite books. Not books that I was told to read.
I just want to be happier with less. Less stuff to worry about. Less stress. Less sleepless nights. Less tiredness. Less physical weight. Less arguing. Less meaning to do something but don’t. Less people that don’t improve my life.
I also want this move to be beneficial for my family relationships. I always want it but never implement anything. I need to be the boss of my own life.
A new day and a new feeling. I don’t know what to make of it and I don’t know how to make it go away. I am nervous and worried about myself. I am scatter-brained and tearful. I don’t know what to do or say. I just see the eyes pointing at me.
There are parts that make me happy. And there are parts that seem to rip my emotional core in two. I write this passage while droplets fall from my eyes.
They come and they communicate. It seems nonstop. I can’t relax. My mind is telling me that it is crashing. My eyes see a blurry past – a sad past with no future.
How can someone stand this? Is it lying if you want to tell someone something, but you don’t know how to tell them? How to convince them that they think you are something else?