stress

My Stupid Near-Death Experience

BACKSTORY: Yesterday, I worked for 10 hours straight. I just got a new side job this week and have not really adjusted yet. In few words: I was tired.¬†However, I needed to drive an hour out to my best friend’s house for her birthday. My gift included chocolate and since it has been 100+ degrees out I had to keep it in a nondescript IKEA bag I took indoors to both jobs. I had to juggle uniform -> professional dress for both jobs- changing my shoes and shirt in the short 15mins between them. I got stuck in a Taco Bell drive thru so that was really 2mins of changing time. Both jobs had their stresses and challenges that day, so by the end, I was kind of mentally drained.

The ride to my friend’s house was fine. I drove over 90 for some of it. I could not believe the amount of slow or distracted drivers on the road. I had my music, A/C blasting unusually cold and was feeling okay.

THE EXPERIENCE: I was almost there. I had found and missed a potential parking spot. I decided to make a U-turn on a small busy street that turns out was too small to do a U-turn, but decided to try it anyway. A single green light, no arrows to tell you when to make a left. You need to wait for all oncoming cars to pass before you can make a left turn. I didn’t. My brain did not register this. The street was really too small to make a U-turn and I needed to BACK UP to finish making it properly. This is were I saw the guy on the motorcycle flip me off and then did a wheelie down the street. This is where I looked in my rear-view mirror and saw the traffic I had stopped. I just couldn’t believe it.

AFTERMATH: I was lucky I did not get hit. I was lucky no one (especially the motorcycle driver) did not get hurt. I cried for a while after my friend’s party. It just eats me up that I put so many in danger for something I did that was so preventable. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have had the careless behavior of an idiot driver? I like to drive fast. It just makes me feel alive sometimes. Makes me feel like the free and open road is all mine. I feel like driving so fast before this incident was definitely a factor into my driving habits. Whenever I drive tired, stupid shit happens. But my problem is also that I do not like to drive slow. I do not like driving in the lane everyone passes by. I do not like inefficient slow habits, like driving slow in the faster lane. I took a good hard, look at my driving habits. Will I ever change this? One of my only favorite things to do is to drive fast or at least drive on a road all alone. I am still shaky. I am still in disbelief. I am still upset at myself.

No more U-turns…. on that street near my friend’s place.

 

P.S. Sorry to all who had to witness the stupidest driver in history. Sorry to the motorcycle guy who almost hit me. I understand that it was reckless, stupid and dangerous. But the scariest part was, I didn’t know it at the time… Easily the mother of all accidents.

 

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An Old World

So I moved back into my parents house.

Why?

So two major things could happen:

  1. I could save money. Rent is expensive! I have plans to save as much as I can before my next birthday. Why my birthday? I have no clue. It was an arbitrary point of saving money. About seven months away. My goal was to save a certain number of G’s by April, but after only a month of planning this, I have already saved almost half of that amount. I am now trying to figure out how to spend the excess money. I still have two loans from school and was thinking of paying the lesser one off for now and then work on the other over time. I am thinking of aggressively saving money for future schooling.
  2. Peace of mind over dealing with my roommate. I hate people like that. People who just live in the past and ignore the present and future. I think that there are a lot of people in this world who you really should not associate yourself with. I need people who want to better themselves, not people that just say they want to do grand things and then complain why they can’t. Like really complain. Good things happen if you try. And if you don’t try, even if the first step is saving money, and then complain why you cannot do it constantly, then why even care? I lived with a life-sucker. A downer. A slob. A loser. I don’t want to ever be like that person.

Living back at home will have some positive effects. One of them being less stress for now. I an in the process of shock from having so much stress to zero. It was a wild move-out weekend. Everything went from being, “Will they sign the lease? What if they don’t? What happens when this loser won’t pay all the rent?” to “I just need to buy a bed sheet. I have no utilities. I have no shitty roommate. I dunno what to do now…” I am dealing with this slowly.

The takeaway is that everything will be okay now.

Doing The Minimalism Thing In A Boss Way

I am about to do something that only a few months ago I was not going to do. I am so sad but yet grateful that I feel better about it now. I know there is a person who says no. I know that there are freedoms that will be cut. But I figured that the good will outweigh the bad somehow.

First things first: MINIMIZE MY LIFE

I MUST give away my stuff. I don’t need books that I will never read. I don’t need clothes that don’t fit me anymore nor have ever fit me. I don’t need a backup that I will never use. I don’t need expensive perfume that I will never use. I don’t need things that are old and gross. I don’t need sentimental items that I have never even wanted. I just need to minimize my life. I need a bookshelf of only my most favorite books. Not books that I was told to read.

I just want to be happier with less. Less stuff to worry about. Less stress. Less sleepless nights. Less tiredness. Less physical weight. Less arguing. Less meaning to do something but don’t. Less people that don’t improve my life.

I also want this move to be beneficial for my family relationships. I always want it but never implement anything. I need to be the boss of my own life.

Less TRASH- in thought and feeling.

Wish me luck.