selfish

“Smile!” An Adult Braces Story

Hey there.

Guess who got adult braces today? I DID! I went in for a cleaning and my poor ass walked out with a full set of mouth metal. Man, do I feel late to the game. Either way, I am happy that I have done this. My wallet isn’t, but this whole jobless thing of mine needed to get interesting. My health will be first priority. Money will be no expense to my health and happiness. Plus, if I do things right, I will only need the braces for a year. I was planning a year of not working so this is the perfect time!

My mouth has a tingle I know very well. I am an avid “mouth picker” (is that the word for when you like to scratch your gums when you are nervous or bored?) and this will help. I hope it goes away soon because I don’t need that urge to scratch my gums all the time. I have always had a favorite spot to pick my teeth and it is on the upper left and the gum line as well as the upper jaw has changed so much, it causes me concern. (Ironically not my dentist) I just want it to stop. I hope that the tingle goes away soon so that I may not think about it anymore.

I have recently been thinking that my smile has been suffering because of the crowded bottom teeth I have had all my life. There is a tooth that has a little part of it sticking out as though I shaped it into a sharp needle by grinding or biting or something. Bizarre. I know. Either way, I was not about to have that make me self-conscious about the only thing that I thought others, including myself, thought was great. I was going to fix this. No matter the cost.

Another thing that I am fixing is the skin and hair picking. I have started wearing press-on nails and they inhibit me to fully feel the damaged hair and nervously picking at it. I think it has been successful the past three days, but I need to keep up the fake nails in order to make this work. I am hoping that the incessant urge to pick the left side of my mouth with also stop the urge to pick the hair on the left side of my head.

Here’s hoping.


 

In other news, I have been dealing with slowing my friendships down. My goal is to go one month not seeing a single friend and to focus on myself and my needs. I was recently put into a position with my family that I had to help out, and I figured that even though I was glad I was there to help, I shouldn’t be doing things for people anymore when I was upset the whole time. I don’t want to deal with family at the moment either, if I could help it.

I will get the hang of pure selfishness, and I will also get a hang for coming out of it. You can’t expect to be a crutch for others if you, yourself, are breaking down. I want to be a stable person for someone one day who will do the same for me. I just need to get my shizz together.

Best,

The Human Girl

Confusing Happiness With Love?

I recently had an amazing experience with a guy. My first relationship ever. We had just gone on our third date together… and then he told me that he loved me…

Do I love him as much as he loves me? I repeated that I loved him back but I wonder if this is all going too fast… I have strong feelings for him, for sure, but I am wondering if I am just too insecure to tell him that I feel a little different.

I mean, I am the type that GROWS love for a person instead of just feel it right away.

I feel….

  • too inexperienced
  • too naive
  • too weak
  • too blind
  • too scared
  • too different
  • too worried
  • too scandalous
  • too confused
  • too nervous
  • too greedy
  • too selfish
  • too sensitive
  • too curious
  • too second-guessing
  • too horrible
  • too… loved… Is that a bad thing?

I am a wreck of emotions right now. I take time to think things over and I have thought it all over about what happened last night. What if we are different people hidden in a mask of googly-eyed love? He has already talked about marriage… I don’t want him proposing to me after a month… I need to take hold of the reigns here before it is too late…

-The Human Girl

 

P.S. What is it about me that makes him so into me? :/