lyrics

My Home

I pack my bags once more
I close the door
There isn’t really anything to say
I am gone again
I didn’t think that this day
That this frame
Would enter my life again
I couldn’t keep up with the challenge
Nor did I take it seriously
Am I really filled with that much damage
To go about and ruin something good
Something real, something full of hope (But now I’m homeward bound)

**Navigating, searching, praying
Doing all the things to beg off unknown
Doing all right after all the wrong
Not justifying the way I am
But the way I search for nothing
Searching for something**

It seems like I’ve failed once again
There is no serious reason to pretend
Why I could not take that into account
No job, no money, ass kicked about
There is no ambition to the condition I feel
Or the way my mind works or a healthy way to heal
To this new unknown day
I just want to say
I am stress free – my mind plays tricks
There are lie upon lies in this mix
I can’t seem to comprehend that this affinity
With wanting nothing and wanting the world
But you should know one thing: I am unfurled (And I’m homeward bound)

**Navigating, searching, praying
Doing all the things to beg off unknown
Doing all right after all the wrong
Not justifying the way I am
But the way I search for nothing
Searching for something**

Where is the place where I shall rest my head?
From where I abandoned this other place and fled…
Is it covered by a roof made of wood and tile-
Or maybe a box with words in calligraphy style?
Is it a place in your heart – like I dream about –
Or is it a physical structure shallow and stout?
Or where contentment and love live side by side –
Not where pillow and pills are where you try to hide?
I can’t refrain from the question of truth,
Where is home for me? I can’t understand that- I need proof.
Where does the shame stop and the honesty roll?
I can’t decide that now, I just need a goal.

**Navigating, searching, praying
Doing all the things to beg off unknown
Doing all right after all the wrong
Not justifying the way I am
But the way I search for nothing
While I search for something**

Where does your home lie in a sea of troubles?
The ebb and flow of disaster and coupled
With a disdain for the future
But with hope for sanity
One day I will know this
But now I can’t walk through this vanity
That our world had set up for me to endure
I am lost. I am lost. I am lost.
But I will find my home one day,
My value and purpose to all of humankind.
I promise a better me everyday.
I hope I deliver but for now, I’ll sway

**Navigating, searching, praying
Doing all the things to beg off unknown
Doing all right after all the wrong
Not justifying the way I am
But the way I search for nothing
While I search for something, something, something…** [Perhaps last chorus not needed]

NOTE:
I think I did a better job here, but it still needs a better bridge, I think. Or maybe longer stanzas. It was very vague and I think that it could have been better with a story or something. Otherwise, I more catchy melody or electronic sound would have to be in place for this… Rap is hard to write, but I am trying.

(Hours later) NOTE: After reading this out loud, I have decided that this isn’t really worthy to be on my site, but I will just leave it here just in case it makes for a good something else.

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Chess

The plane ticket in my hands- my body trembles
Just knowing that you are nearby- my brain resembles
A possibility of hope that seems childish and ill-gotten
Just thinking of you and all of me that you have forgotten
The ray of sunshine that you used to place in me -couldn’t be there anymore
but it still is
I think that you will turn to me – write to me -talk to me – it just doesn’t come
I know that you are away with someone thinking that we are done
Happier that when you used to tell me everything including your love-
We were together for this time that I thought would last forever
Friendship, then marriage, then death, whichever
Came first in the line that I thought in my mind and it was killing me to want to know what you thought
But…
You thought differently. As a part of me couldn’t see what was really happening.
You came and conquered then told me to step away
Backed me up to a corner and forgot to say
that you were goin’, leaving me in an emotional mess
Decided to call it quits before I took my pawn out in chess
Who can I take out that wouldn’t end up in your lies
when you cheated, and sneaked your way to a grandiose size
and killed my king without saying ‘check’
Too late to notice and too soon to grab the neck
and say that the game was unfair- retrace your steps
while I declare-
The simple truth and backtracked the way
That you fought the long battle of the day
Without consideration of my level- as meek as it is
To go about the struggle and make a quiz
Of my easiness on you- your mind, your heart
I loved you so much. I loved you with all my heart
Until we played that game of chess one day
When I caught you in some man’s lap kissing passionately
I took out my queen and disregarded the rules
I shouted and screamed while your new boyfriend, that fool
Punched my face until the blue made a hue
I lost the game of chess that day.
I was made clear to see that your beautiful veneer
on that mahogany board you owned
was nothing other than cheap glaze, my dear
So I stand with that plane ticket in hand,
And I smile at the fact that you will not be there when I land.

NOTE: Visiting California this weekend. Don’t know how to feel. Don’t know who to tell. And these lyrics need work… Started off as a rap song and ended up as some kind of spoken-word thing… Rap lyrics are hard to write. Oh, and the end needs work. What kind of person just leaves with no other context? So like, that needs better buildup.