food

Wholesome Cheater & Life Track

I have been in a downward trend of weight loss. It has not been as significant as my first month, but I am okay. I did pig out on carbs on Sunday because that was when me and my boyfriend celebrated our Valentine’s Day.

I NO LONGER HAVE A SECOND JOB! However, I am gonna be in super saving mode. I kinda tried to pay for big expenses before I ended my second job so that I would start off with a clean slate of savings. I am going to try and sell my stuff or just give them away. Starting clean.

I feel happy that I quit my second job. I am a bit unhappy about the huge tax I owed this year, but again, I already took care of it. I have been asked if I want another second job. No. I want a full-time job. I have been incapable of ever landing a full-time job. I realized that I have only ever had part-time jobs. But I work so much, I should be considered full-time. Maybe that is why I am having so much trouble with finding a job. That’s all employers see. Anyway, enough negativity. I am gonna still try my best for a full-time job. I am not gonna give up. Especially now, since I have some more time on my hands.

I am going to do my best. I am going to do my best as cheaply as possible. I no longer can spend money on expensive things anymore. I am gonna hustle. I am gonna engage in more hobbies. The top of the list is learning coding, learning a language, eating keto/working out and reading more books. Remember that Warren Buffett list I wrote? Well, I have a few more changes again.

Here is the modified version of my top 5 things to focus on.

  • Work out 5 times a week.
    • Lose 20 pounds
  • Learn Python
  • Enroll in CC and take a computer class
  • Learn violin
  • Get a full-time job you like
  • Learn Arabic

I changed a few things around. I am gonna change the language to Arabic. I am going to change the coding language to Python. I got a violin from my boyfriend, who bought it a while ago. I think it will be an interesting hobby. I am not taking the GRE because I might go back for a second Bachelor’s, but I am still unsure. I have been looking into cyber security and I think that it is really interesting. It’s also close to a 100% employment rate. But even though I have a path, I might not do this. I need to see if coding for me is something I want, once and for all. I am going to enroll in a community college class just to see if it is something I like and can handle, given my few years out of school. I have decided to learn Arabic instead of the German, because I just want to. It’s also a once and for all mentality. I am interested in it enough and I want to touch my cultural roots to speak it before family members start to die off. I figured that it should be the first one I learn. I know that I have a ton of language learning for German I already put the money into, but I can always do that later. Arabic seems more important.

So that is where I am at.

I am gonna see if I can make it a hobby to see how thrifty I can be given that I am making a lot less now. Did you know that I spend an average of $400-500 a month on food? Sometimes more! So I need to cut that in half. Being on Keto can be expensive sometimes. Just the ingredients are pricey. Going to see if I can just buy everything online to make that cheaper. I kinda signed up for Instacart. But I will see what I do with that. Seems easy to shop and deliver food for people. But I would be 1099 so that is putting me off. I hate having to pay so much in taxes every year for 1099.

I saw this video by Anna Akana and I felt inspired to read more. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-U4Bo_dywg&list=RDhSF3IbvebII&index=2

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“Can I Lose Weight By Eating Costco Cheesecake?” A Poem of Facts.

I am addicted to you, oh so so good things.

Your cheesecakes, your milk chocolate. The happiness it brings,

Your white version Taco Bell, caramel apple empanadas,

Your salt and vinegar chips, more addictive than marijuana,

Your Cheesecake Factory five-cheese pasta satiates my palate,

Your coffee-flavored M&Ms that I had to get by submitting a ballot,

Your sugary Panda Express chow mein and your In-n-Out chocolate-vanilla shakes,

Your food just makes me have all kinds of sugar aches,

Your cheeseburgers! So warm to the touch,

Your Costco cheese pizza un-ruining my lunch.

So the moral is: Just eat whatever the heck you want!

No diet that can keep me away from my food confidant.

Don’t you dare try to change what I love,

And to answer your question that you typed in above,

No. It’s too addictive. It’s also high in sugar, carbs and fat,

But who cares?! Go away! I am so done with this silly chat.

A One-Sided Conversation With Myself

Every day is a struggle to find meaning and happiness in my life. A STRUGGLE. It does not mean that I actually do something about it, but just the opposite. I sometimes wonder why I am an idiot, TV addict. I was told by a stranger whom I respect that I just have to meditate on me. That’s dumb. I have psychoanalyzed the shit out out my mind and body as well as the people I know. Why should I just sit around and think some more? My main problem is just DOING. I don’t know how to DO. I don’t know if I ever did.

What incites my passion?

I like writing. But I am not as good at it as I would like to believe. Hell, I just taught myself to type properly only recently.

Get better.

What is this voice in my head that just said that? Oh yeah, THAT voice. That voice is dumb.

Psychology was never your passion. 

There is that voice again… Damn voice. You harsh. If you don’t already know, I have a B.A. in Psychology.

You love food to the point of an unhealthy obsession.

I know I know. Pick on the person who sleeps right after eating. I person willing to eat until she becomes broke.

Technology is interesting, but you are not logical enough nor willing to put in the hours to pursue it. 

This voice is saying things that make me upset. I have been seriously considering to learn to code. Why are you saying that? What happened to “Get better.”

You basically live in front of a screen watching your life away. To you, it is your happiness. 

No argument there.

What does food, TV and writing have in common?

Ugh. I am not gonna be an Anthony Bourdain, okay? I don’t give a shit about being a travel/food blogger. I don’t even like reviewing things on Yelp. How are these things supposed to set me on a path to a future? This voice does not know that I am an artsy person who thinks that getting into the arts will be horrible.

Will it? Or can you find another way other than the black and white way that you just described?

Uh… I am not sure…

You can still pursue anything other than modeling or sports, which you don’t want to do. Neuroplasticity is alive and well in your mind. You can easily go and pursue anything you have started but haven’t finished. I am just trying to guide your mind and passions. 

Yeah yeah. Save me the story, voice in my head. Dude I am just screwed up. I washed out Millennial with a semi-respectable job who refuses to believe that Human Resources is a college major. (I just thought that shit was learned on the job) I refuse to believe that there are jobs that required a college education in the past that are entry-level anyway. Hell, even the job I have now seems like any person eager for a job can do it. ANYONE. But I needed a degree for this shit. Colleges just seem like half of the on-the-job-training that I receive anyway. NO ONE knows what they really need to do and yet, the person with the flair, connections, extroverted personality and “relevant” degrees are the most valuable/most desirable people to hire.

We seem to have gotten off topic. What does TheHumanGirl want? 

I want a job that I can live off of that I can also be happy with doing. I want to be happy and not worry about money all that much. But here YOU ARE telling me to pursue an artsy fartsy passion that I KNOW will just make me a Millennial loser cliche. The jobs I have now at least pay my bills.

You need to be happy first. 

I know…

 

Turkey…

Oh you foul beast. You take a million years to prepare. You bring out the worst in us with your high-maintenance dressing. But you are simple. You are great at making me full. Gather your fibers between my teeth. Take your bland flesh and let me chew upon you. Make me forget the world as a sloppily eat your legs with all ten of my fingers. Ahhh… I will take your joints and crunch them like bubble gum.

I am a carnivore tonight. That is all I am.