Two Weeks Notice

I applied for this job back in April and they called me last Wednesday to ask if I still wanted the job due to one of their employees leaving to be closer to home. I was thrilled. It was a job I still wanted and made an interview for the next day.

Yesterday, I was extended an offer. I finally was able to give my two weeks to my current positions. At my first job, I am with a company that I have serious mixed feelings about and now, I am finally able to leave. My second job was something that I just started on the 1st. It was much harder to give him my two weeks.

I am now flooded with pride and opportunity.

This is what I want this job to be like:

  • Just a job. I don’t want to feel bad for nobody. I don’t want responsibility of someone else’s feelings.
  • Full-time. I can now brag that I have an adult, full-time job with overtime benefits. I also have the chance to move up within this new company.
  • Money-maker. I want to save up money for big things. School, food and travel to be specific.
  • Experience. I am unsure about the corporate experience, but I am excited that this will introduce me to some of it.
  • Insurance. More specifically, health insurance. I no longer have to worry about where my health insurance is coming from.
  • A stepping stone. More money, more experience, more responsibility. All will give me more direction to where I want to go (Wherever that may be). I am happy about this because I know that this may be something I don’t want to do, but due to the overwhelming benefits of this new job, it outweighs whatever I am doing right now. I am okay with that.


P.S. No more cockroaches. No more babysitting seniors’ smoke breaks. No more blatant misguidance or lack thereof. Just Adult Work.


Energy of Worry

Current weight lost: 17 pounds

I am THIS CLOSE to my first 20 pound goal. All this hard work will come to fruition later when I finally can see that scale change to a number I have lost over a year ago. THREE MORE. Just THREE MORE. Hopefully I can lose it in 7 days. That way I can brag that I lost 20lbs in 2 months, but I should not pressure myself.

All this free time, I have been walking more. I surprise myself with short bursts of jogs/running while I am in the park. I have more energy. I feel lighter. I am making most of my meals. I am staying away from things that won’t benefit me. (Except TV) But THE WILL is there again. Action will come.

Sometimes I am hard on myself. Okay that was a lie. I am ALWAYS hard on myself. I am lost, but I know where to go. I make mistakes 90% of the time and that causes me to feel weak. I learn from mistakes, but I also like to rebel. I like taking risks. That is a part of me that won’t die. I like to drive fast. I like to do most things fast. It is why I cannot stick to most diets. Because a month is too long.

I don’t see the end of the tunnel through the journey because I am already rehearsing my victory speech. Words can only carry me for so long but actions are hard to do.

There is desperation to get a new job. After applying to so many jobs and hearing rejection or nothing back, it makes me feel worthless. They DO NOT know what a hard worker I can be. They DO NOT know me because they see my unpronounceable name and dismiss me. They DO NOT know that I am about being humble in my abilities and that bragging about myself does not come easy at all. And yet, I do not drop to their level. Why should I change my name? Why should I brag about things I didn’t do? Why should I tell them that my field has changed because of me because that is what they want to hear. Success is about building a core of people because of their personalities. My personality cannot just come out with my first encounter with you. It takes a while for me to access the situation and see how I need to handle others. Once I know, the work environment will be more productive because I will know who I am dealing with. That is how I am so needed by so many people. That is how I am respected by so many people. I will show you in the most subtle way. I am not the loudmouth that will just brag. Toxic people are just in so many high positions. There is no respect. I want to respect them, but I cannot. They learn nothing. Why should I?

And then the cycle keeps me out because of my name, my position and my personality.

I keep going.


four doors for more whores

Meanwhile at Costco…

What makes people think that certain things are okay?

Why are Americans so afraid of anyone who isn’t white? (And by that, I mean skin color over race)

Stereotypes.  …or assholes…

That is what.



Why do people say racist or sexist things? It’s because that’s how we were raised. We were raised to believe certain things. Also for the lack of exposure can lead to mindless racists thoughts. If you read my last post, you discovered the cute/embarrassing story of how my little baby cousin made an unknown racist remark. He was never exposed to something. Never taught. He didn’t care to have a friend who was a different color than him. He just wanted a friend to play with because he was sick of the adults. It was probably me who was acting racist.  (*laugh quietly to myself on how I realized this too late*) But I also was playing it cautious in case my little cousin presented the idea directly to the kid in front of the kid’s parents. Ugh. What a loophole.

The fact of the matter is that even though we are trying to not act offensively, that the action of not doing so may still be a racist act! That just sucks.

Now I have my moments. I’m sure we all do. I won’t say I’m not racist (I also won’t say that I’m an angel either) because of the shit I do by accident.

I am not part of the white culture. However, my skin color may say otherwise. I am first generation. And many people have tried to guess my culture because, as my name suggests, I’m not really white but I am still like white people.

I am like them because I was raised around white culture. Every single teacher in my elementary school was white. Most of my classmates were white (or Hispanic). But most of my best friends ended up not being mostly white. Other than a couple of friends, I’m not really close to anyone who isn’t a first generation kid like me. I just feel that they “get” me more. It’s what I have in common. Not really ethnicity. It’s something deeper. They grew up around white culture too even though they aren’t really white. They have similar thoughts and feelings towards many of the same things that I do. White culture is everywhere. Is it bad? Not really. Is it good? Not really. It just caters to people who look white and have lots of money is all.

Sometimes I hate the color of my skin. As though it didn’t really match my ethnicity or my strange name to other people. I didn’t really have much in common with the kids growing up. They seemed to live completely different lives than me. I just became a “Yes Man.” I tried to fit in as much as I could. It was hard because I was really shy and quiet. No one really encouraged me to be bold, outspoken and passionate. I feel like this is white culture sometimes. It’s kind of monochrome and passionless. Sure there are the kids on TV screaming for candy and going into time out. I wasn’t this child. Kids on TV were strange. They were the boss in some ways. Nothing like the real world. White culture is kind of like a kid without a bedtime. Always running around when it shouldn’t.

White culture tries to be encouraging of new cultures, others’ practices and sensitive to stereotypes. But it didn’t prepare me for that. How many times did I try to understand a black family’s way of life when I was growing up? What about Indian traditions? How about learning Spanish and trying it out on real native speakers? (Come on, California.) I just read them in textbooks. Maybe saw a few films. But real life is different. Life is really about experiences. I didn’t get many experiences from other cultures other than from school.

So I revisit the question: Why are Americans so afraid of anyone who isn’t white? The reason is: that they know what they know. Many Americans haven’t made Syrian immigrant friends before this immigrant crisis. They don’t really know the culture or perhaps even what makes a Syrian different than any other Arab. They can’t distinguish because they can only tell white people apart. (I can too) Media is a big foe. That’s what the eyes see.  But sometimes visual testimony is wrong. Much of the time, stereotypes are wrong. They are cool people like you. Maybe even braver, because they have to go through hoops of fire.

I can only see the world through my eyes. Sometimes my eyes are smudged with wrongful assumptions. Sometimes my body does things that try to protect me in strange situations. Sometimes I am just ignorant and I just ask a million billion questions. But wanting to learn is better than turning you head away, right?

P.S. The man who owned this car was seemingly white and also wore a Disneyland work uniform. Awesome, huh? They have lives too. Maybe he borrowed the car… from one of the Disney princesses.