It Hurts More Than You Realize

[Ophelia] by Julia Margaret Cameron, British, born India, 1815 - 1879

What I feel on the inside…

When a simple question was asked, you responded too quickly. You responded with such certainty. It broke my heart so much that at first, I refused to believe your answer. I knew that you were not that type of person and so therefore, that wasn’t the real answer. But I gave that sure response some time to marinate. You meant that answer didn’t you? You really believe that… You will not be swayed nor persuaded. You, my comfort, my friend, my trust… said it too fast. You will not defend my feelings or my heartache. You just go on thinking that it is for the best. You just go on without me. It seems that you can persuade me but I can’t persuade you. It makes me feel lost and worthless. Like things in the world don’t matter. Like you don’t matter. You shouldn’t matter. It is only with you I feel this way. It is only you that can make me feel so badly. It is only you that I kept giving chances. It is you that I tried to be someone who… tried. I guess I don’t want to try anymore. You still brighten up my eyes when I think about you… that is something that will linger. It won’t be easy…

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