Month: January 2016

What Makes It Worth My Time…?

Time, energy, dedication, hard work, passion…

All things you do not foster in me. Things that you do not foster in yourself or the people around you.

How can you expect me to be here if you do not hold my hand a little bit and tell me what you want?

How can you expect me to read your vague mind and bitter attitude and turn that into a positive environment?

How is growth so easily mashed down into doing your bidding?

Do you not see my confused expression? Do you not hear my wavering voice?

I would like to help. I really would. I would like to see what I can make this place into. But I cannot do that if you yell when I don’t know what’s happening. I can’t help you if you have to always be the superior one- and will not apologize for it. I can’t help if you just want to do things the same old horrible way. I always have to tiptoe around your unusual moodiness.

You will always be this way… And that’s why I cannot do this anymore… Good luck, but I have made up my mind. I cannot drown here any longer while mind obsesses over your lack of advice and inability for kind tutorials. I cannot be better if you do not want to understand that I need to learn certain things.

 

P.S. Your office smells. >.<

I Keep My Phone On Silent

A new day and a new feeling. I don’t know what to make of it and I don’t know how to make it go away. I am nervous and worried about myself. I am scatter-brained and tearful. I don’t know what to do or say. I just see the eyes pointing at me.

There are parts that make me happy. And there are parts that seem to rip my emotional core in two. I write this passage while droplets fall from my eyes.

They come and they communicate. It seems nonstop. I can’t relax. My mind is telling me that it is crashing. My eyes see a blurry past – a sad past with no future.

How can someone stand this? Is it lying if you want to tell someone something, but you don’t know how to tell them? How to convince them that they think you are something else?

I don’t know who I am. I don’t know what to do.

A Face

You cause me to smile when no one is there. You make my mind sing with delight. You are a person that I would never want to forget.

When my company is thin or nonexistent, you are still there to warm me.

Your sound is like the smoothness of warm, sugary coffee. Your height as tall as a black bear standing at its feet. I want you near.

I don’t owe you anything. I want nothing but one thing in return. You are the only one who can give it to me.

I can feel your heartbeat get faster and faster. I touch your warm skin. I am always colder than you.

I lay unhappy tonight and for the rest of nights.

 

Happy New Year.