Today I could have wrote about possibly the worst pap smear I have ever received. I could have written about how just her finger going in felt really wrong. I could have written about how the speculum felt like a piece of old plastic that did not go in without force or unwelcome friction. I don’t even want to write about how just the doctor getting the sample made my hands push my body up and away from the table, which my back struggled to lay on naturally. I don’t even want to write about the apologies that she kept giving me during and after the procedure. I don’t want to record her opinion on my sensitivity and the white chunks I saw on her latex gloves. Was that conversation I had with the overly nice male nurse even worth mentioning when he handed me my prescription? (Especially when he said that it was for my “lady parts.”)
You always feel violated afterwards…
… And a feeling to need to pee.
I have finished THIRTY blogs this month! It was not easy. (Even though I sometimes cheated) I have a lot of things to work on when it comes to my writing. I’m not the best writer, but I don’t think that I am the worst!
I went through a lot in the beginning of this month. A lot of self-doubt and confusion. I do feel like I am in a better place but not without some damage to my creativity. (Which had happened during the middle of this month)
Thanks National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo) for existing. I would like to say that my goal is to do NaNoWriMo at least once, but I am glad I am taking baby steps. This was a good exercise in self-discipline and creativity and I am glad that I did it.