I pictured myself a little stronger than this, a little more put together but being jobless and confused is taking a toll on me.
All the jobs in my life that I have seriously considered: (Starting at age 7)
- Being a “sivil enjineer” like my dad
- Being a world traveler in my barbie-themed battery-operated car (car broke after a week)
- Being Link from the Legend of Zelda
- Being Princess Zelda from the Legend of Zelda
- Being the person that swam with killer whales at Sea World
- Being a professional martial artist
- Being a professional tennis player
- Being a professional Pokemon master and live off of my backpack for the rest of my life
- Being an archaeologist like that one character in ‘Paper Mario’
- Being a director of an all-girl middle/high school (plans drawn up and everything)
- Being a professional warrior/spy/agent
- Being a movie director
- Being a published author
- Being a computer science person (just in general I guess)
- Being a professional television script writer
- Being a doctor
- Being a cartoonist
- Being a computer programmer
- Being a psychologist
- Being a genetic counselor
- Being a secretary…
You can do anything. You can have many interests. But I believe that you must nurture those interests in order to make anything come out of it. Some of the jobs above could have repeated themselves, but I decided to leave it out because I couldn’t tell when it exactly happened. I wasn’t able to do some of the sports I wanted because I was told that they were “too dangerous” and that made me really upset. It’s funny how I look at this and think, “Man. I didn’t put that much time or effort into being any of these things!” And it’s true. My heart wasn’t in a lot of them. So what is the next step for me? I don’t know. All this time, I thought that inspiration would strike me as hard as it did when I first was passionate about any of the jobs listed above. Like: “I want to be THAT!” And then go do it. After high school ended, a bunch of friends and me went to a park. After telling them about the confusion over my future, one of them told me to pick one of the choices out of a hat. Although not on this list because I probably put it in there for money reasons, I chose, “business person.” And I guess I should have stuck with that, but it never held in my mind long enough.
And why do I have to only choose one? Oh right, because choosing more than one has gotten me to this unfiltered wasteland of mental woe. Whenever I choose just one, I start to hate it. I think of the other things that I want to be doing.
But after a certain amount of time and life experience, this all just feels like an excuse. Excuses I shouldn’t be making. Excuses that lessen me as a member of society. So yeah. If I had to choose just one, I would choose the one that never seemed like a real decision, only a natural choice: which is becoming a Pokemon master and live off my backpack for the rest of my life… A.K.A.: A crazy, hoarder bum…. Think Into the Wild meets Monk… that would be me. Ahhh… yes… bliss…
Aaaaand now I hate it…
The job search continues….