Pick One

I pictured myself a little stronger than this, a little more put together but being jobless and confused is taking a toll on me.

All the jobs in my life that I have seriously considered: (Starting at age 7)

  • Being a “sivil enjineer” like my dad
  • Being a world traveler in my barbie-themed battery-operated car (car broke after a week)
  • Being Link from the Legend of Zelda
  • Being Princess Zelda from the Legend of Zelda
  • Being the person that swam with killer whales at Sea World
  • Being a professional martial artist
  • Being a professional tennis player
  • Being a professional Pokemon master and live off of my backpack for the rest of my life
  • Being an archaeologist like that one character in ‘Paper Mario’
  • Being a director of an all-girl middle/high school (plans drawn up and everything)
  • Being a professional warrior/spy/agent
  • Being a movie director
  • Being a published author
  • Being a computer science person (just in general I guess)
  • Being a professional television script writer
  • Being a doctor
  • Being a cartoonist
  • Being a computer programmer 
  • Being a psychologist
  • Being a genetic counselor
  • Being a secretary… 

You can do anything. You can have many interests. But I believe that you must nurture those interests in order to make anything come out of it. Some of the jobs above could have repeated themselves, but I decided to leave it out because I couldn’t tell when it exactly happened. I wasn’t able to do some of the sports I wanted because I was told that they were “too dangerous” and that made me really upset. It’s funny how I look at this and think, “Man. I didn’t put that much time or effort into being any of these things!” And it’s true. My heart wasn’t in a lot of them. So what is the next step for me? I don’t know. All this time, I thought that inspiration would strike me as hard as it did when I first was passionate about any of the jobs listed above. Like: “I want to be THAT!” And then go do it. After high school ended, a bunch of friends and me went to a park. After telling them about the confusion over my future, one of them told me to pick one of the choices out of a hat. Although not on this list because I probably put it in there for money reasons, I chose, “business person.” And I guess I should have stuck with that, but it never held in my mind long enough. 

And why do I have to only choose one? Oh right, because choosing more than one has gotten me to this unfiltered wasteland of mental woe. Whenever I choose just one, I start to hate it. I think of the other things that I want to be doing. 

But after a certain amount of time and life experience, this all just feels like an excuse. Excuses I shouldn’t be making. Excuses that lessen me as a member of society. So yeah. If I had to choose just one, I would choose the one that never seemed like a real decision, only a natural choice: which is becoming a Pokemon master and live off my backpack for the rest of my life… A.K.A.: A crazy, hoarder bum…. Think Into the Wild meets Monk… that would be me. Ahhh… yes… bliss…

Aaaaand now I hate it…

The job search continues….

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